Why you need a best friend at work

If someone asked you out of nowhere "do you have a best friend at work?", you might be hesitant to answer that question.  It feels both oddly personal and maybe even a little wrong.  Like, you might say to yourself, "I am not supposed to have a best friend at work!" because we have a cultural weirdness about close relationships in the workplace.  

However, if someone asked you out of the blue, "do you feel engaged at work?", that question doesn't feel as weird as the "best friend" question.  Gallup has found that these two questions are very interrelated and has extensive data to back up the idea that having a best friend at work is not actually a bad thing!

Organizations where there is a high level of agreement on employee surveys about having a best friend at work also tend to be organizations where employee engagement is high.  And employee engagement is linked to all kinds of positive workplace outcomes.  People with best friends at work are less likely to become disengaged and therefore less likely to exhibit negative workplace behaviors.

 Read more about Gallup's research on this.

Here's the thing.  Today is the one-year anniversary of the launch of PorchLight Insights.  If you do not know our story, we are two work colleagues gone entrepreneurs who have both known each other and worked alongside each other for over sixteen years. Kate and I became best friends sometime in the mid-2000s, though we can't really remember when we transitioned from good work colleagues to BFFs. Kate tells a story about how I either picked her up or dropped her off at the airport when she flew in to interview for the internship I was vacating.  A few years later, I remember a real conversation that happened where I admitted that it was worthless to try to segregate out our work lives and home lives because we worked in the same office, our families hung out outside of work together and our kids had just started attending the same elementary school. 

We were doomed if we thought we could avoid being best friends in the end.  So we just did it. Made life and work more seamless.  We were able to work more productively and switch out tasks when we knew that the other had been up all night with a puking child.  Or if there was an emergency, we had each other's back.  We didn't overshare (or tried not to) and we didn't let work or personal issues invade too much space; we learned when to buckle down and get work done and when to give ourselves a break, sometimes just taking a walk to go get iced tea somewhere (we both love iced tea).

And our relationship goes way deeper and way beyond what I think Gallup is referring to honestly.  Gallup's definition of a best friend at work is more about having a peer with whom you can share all of the little things about your work.  Someone who has your back, gives you encouraging notes, makes you feel like you are doing a good job, even if others are not noticing it.  A best friend at work doesn't have to be someone that you integrate into your entire life.  Your relationship may be more contained within the context of your work.  That's all Gallup really means - you have someone at work that makes you want to come to work and do good things and help others do good things.

However, if you are as lucky as Kate and I are, to have like a BEST FRIEND best friend at work, lean into it.  Life is short and we spend most of it doing our jobs.  I'm a far better worker and frankly a much kinder human because I have my best friend with me every day, doing work we love.  Happy Year One Anniversary Kate Bender; I can do this forever because I have a best friend at work.